Hey hey everyone! I’ve been missing from this space ALL YEAR LONG – even after I said I was going to do better. I’ll admit to my big ole lie and honestly say that I prioritized other things over updating my blog. In many ways this has been great – I’ve had a chance to write for new places like Syfy Fangrrls and I’ve continued to do coverage at conventions in several states. But in other ways it has been awful because I am paying for this URL name so I need to utilize it and share my work on this space. I can’t use my own website as a solid reference point when I am seeking new work and that is NOT okay!
Are you ready for my true life confessions aka word vomit? Here it goes…
I went to Vegas in July and had a great vacation with my husband, sister, and brother-in-law. But when I returned to Virginia, I found myself in a constant state of unrest. I felt like I was slipping in several areas of my life. My finances were not where I wanted them to be, I felt spiritually broken, and I was not satisfied with my progress as a writer. I looked around my home and it was a cluttered, disorganized mess. Yes, I have two small children so I don’t expect it to look like a magazine cover. But, there was too much stuff everywhere I looked and it reflected how I felt in my mind and spirit. I was confused, disheveled, and on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. There had been some major changes at my job, so I quickly contributed all of my problems to work and kept pressing forward. I had a lot on my plate there and I was gearing up to do DragonCon coverage for BlackGirlNerds. I marched through August in a proverbial haze and went through the daily motions of life. I worked, cleaned, ate, slept erratically, and prepared to make my way to Atlanta.
DragonCon was a blast as usual. It gave me a few days to escape my mess of a life and focus on doing what I loved – taking cosplay photos, interviews, live tweeting, and writing panel notes. I came home feeling exhausted, but living on a convention high until I returned to the reality of my life. It’s funny how running away, even if it is for my freelance work, didn’t change a damn thing at home. I became even more in tune with the issues in my own world. In the middle of rolling out convention coverage, I sent my oldest daughter back to school and began to adjust to her new life in a gifted student program. I grinded hard at work to keep up with the never-ending changes in a fast-paced environment. I filled large black trash bags with clothes and things we didn’t need anymore and gave them away. I started tuning into podcasts like Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday to try to find something to satisfy my soul. I started feeling like I was healing, but there was still this wave of unhappiness under my skin and I could not shake it. I confided in my husband and he had no answers, but he did present me with a few interesting questions.
He asked me what I needed to take away and add to create the life that I wanted to live. I spent some time thinking about it and I came to a few realizations. First, I wanted to feel like I had a living and (writing) work space that reflected who I was as a person. I looked around and my house didn’t feel like a home. It was just a sleep and hangout space filled with things that didn’t reflect who WE were as a family. I realized that I needed to do more than purge – I needed to organize and rearrange spaces to add my personal touch to them.
Next, I knew I wasn’t where I needed to be as a writer because I wasn’t investing in my craft. I was sporadically working on a book that made me well up with excitement and passion when I thought about it. I was trading that passion for articles and other writing assignments that put some extra cash in my pocket, but weren’t helping me grow and develop as a writer. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed doing them but I needed new challenges. I wanted to dive more into content marketing and move away from website work. I wanted to dedicate more time to my book and take more courses to help me learn how to become better at world and character building. I wanted to stretch my wings and do different things, but I was too comfortable and afraid to allow myself to take the chance.
I realized the combination of a stressful work environment and displeasure in my writing and home spaces were all contributing to my spiritual downfall. I was falling in bed at night like a zombie and forgoing prayer. I woke up frantically in the morning after missing multiple alarm clocks and I would shelve my morning meditation as I rushed to barely get to work on time. I was leaving my spirit malnourished and it was beginning to chip away at my patience and overall health. Persistent headaches, dizziness, and random nausea became a daily part of my life.
Today is October 1st, 2017. It is the start of a new month and the last quarter of the year. I am stepping away from things that distract me and often disturb my spirit, including social media and several people. I love a good live tweet, but I have to do this for my own life. I am going to focus on my book, Orion’s Chains, and spend more time making my house feel like a home. I’ve tapped back into my prayer/meditation life and I am reading, learning, questioning, and growing as a woman. I want to document some of my journey here and I hope you will follow me. Let’s talk spiritual, TV, pop culture, and Pinterest projects!
Tai Gooden 🙂
6 thoughts on “The Story of my (2017) Life”
Your journey will be fun to follow!
It may not always be fun, but it will always be interesting! Love you
Welcome back! Make it do what it do cuz you’re the best love you
Thanks!! And love you too ❤️
I feel like I’ve been experiencing like 90% of what you wrote about in this post, except for the kids part LOL. Clutter, eeling anxious and sick all the time, run down, unfulfilled, depressed, confused about my future etc etc. I hope I can take even a measure of what you’re doing to better myself. It always seems to come in little bits for one thing or another, but never anything all at once. It feels harder for me to back away from social media, and more often than not, it is a source of joy (but bc of the way i’ve curated it to be so I think), so I need to find other ways to recenter, bc I def feel you and feel like I am all over the place. Miss you on the timeline, but I’m super glad you’re doing these blog posts to check in anyway! ❤
Connie the superstar! I have tried to curate my social timelines too but I found that the political conversations among other things were making me feel anxious all the time. I truly cannot stand to see 45’s face or name on my timeline lol. Twitter is better than Facebook…I still have a lot of deleting to do on that page. I think you have to figure out what you need to eliminate in order to find your own version of happiness. It may be saying no to projects that are edifying your career or distancing yourself from any toxic people IRL. And, you have to really become clear about what your intentions are for your life and overall well being. And, think about how you can make your everyday actions line up with your intentions. Fill up on the things that make your heart leap with joy. Take care of yourself in ways that make you happy, even if it’s just taking time to be silent. It’s amazing what your soul says in moments of silence. For me, it’s been a lot of meditation, Super Soul Sunday podcasts, inspirational books, and working in my blog/book. I miss you all too and can’t wait until we reunite 😘