I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately. I feel like there are so many factors in my life that are out of my control. I feel unsafe in the world and in my home. My heart races whenever a stranger turns to talk to me. Will he follow me? Will he kill me? I hold my breath behind the wheel of my car when I see a police vehicle. Fear takes over as I imagine being pulled over, harassed, assaulted, and murdered for driving with Black. I obsessively check the doors at night and twist around in bed with every sound I hear. Please don’t invade my sanctuary….please don’t hurt me. I’ve fought too hard to lose my life at someone else’s hands. Paranoia greets me at almost every corner.
I wonder who really cares for me. I wonder if I shut myself off behind a wall of hard emotions. I only feel peace and safety when I write….